Anxieties

First, anxieties by their nature are selfish. The person worries about something or someone. If it’s something, then it has a direct impact on the sufferer and is absolutely personal and self interested. Constantly worrying about something makes it even more a part of your life, but, whatever it is, it is selfish. Now, take anxieties about another person. These, on the surface, look noble because the fear is for someone else. However, the fear is your own. Suddenly, the safety of that person is all about you, not that person. You’ve taken your own fears and anxieties, applied to that person and then drawn attention back to yourself by broadcasting the anxiety to everyone that will listen. Case in point, someone in my family worries about me getting home safely, so I have to call to reassure that person that I’m safe. They’re worry now translates into me changing my natural actions and outweighs my own actions. Clever, huh?

Second, anxieties are about control. Not having control, needing control and fearing being out of control of a situation or person. There is only the illusion of control in this world, either god has it, or it’s all random coincidences. Either way, no one has any control over anyone else, except through love, manipulation and choice. It’s hard for a lot of people to grasp and accept the lack of personal control of events. They bop through life reacting to everything, and it scares them that they could end up reacting to something bad. Anxiety is this fear. And, anxiety is about trying to control the uncontrollable, by fearing it and manipulating people and with this fear. Acceptance of this lack of control, enjoying the ride and planning your life are all ways to get rid of these anxieties. The hardest is accepting that you have control over your own emotions and actions, nothing more. Anxiety is a choice, you chose to let fear take you and you choose to worry and worse communicate these worries so that people are manipulated into acting to prevent the feared out comes.

Third, anxieties are about (too little) self-confidence. If you’re afraid about someone or something, then typically, you are not confident that you can overcome the issue or the ramifications of it happening. Once someone is confident in themselves, they understand that there is nothing that cannot be overcome. Anxieties have no effect on a confident person. On the flip side, someone with weak self-confidence is extremely prone to anxiety, even if that person thinks they are a confident person. Often false confidence and bravado hides someone terribly torn by anxiety.

Anxiety sufferers never live in the present. They concerns are about the past or the future, never the hear and now. One anxiety might be about a mistaken word or phrase or action that might have been misinterpreted by someone else. The fear of this misinterpretation or miscommunication is such a powerful force that the anxiety drowns out all current events. Once something is done, it’s done. One cannot dwell on the past only mend the fences if (and only if) they are broken. Obviously, a focus on the past prevents living in the present.

Now, what about fear of the future. My favorite phrase for that is “Clearing away the wreckage of the future”. I think that says it all. One focuses so much on the possibilities of bad things happening, agonizes over the potential for pain and hurt, fears this pain and hurt more and ends up constantly focused on things that probably never will happen. Certainly, this does not allow the person to live in the present and does not allow the person to enjoy their life. I mean, how can someone truly have fun today, when they are worried about the potential for pain and suffering in their future? What’s worse about this anxiety than any other is that it stifles the person, makes them afraid to try new things or even do things with friends because the fear of failure and worry of pain outweighs any potential benefits that the person could possible realize. My experience with people like this is that they stay at home, even when they had fun the last time you dragged them out.

I feel for people with anxieties, because even the anxieties often keep them from seeking help. Most of the anxious people I have met in my life are also very private and afraid of other people looking down on them or disrespecting them for needing help. The truth of the matter is that everyone could be a happier, more well-adjusted person and that no one of any value would begrudge someone the opportunity to improve themselves through counseling. The anxious fear of negative reactions from friends or, especially family is often the biggest stumbling-block for those with anxieties, preventing them from seeking the help they need and exerting pressure on them to only go briefly and “feel better quickly”. This is the height of fallacy, as the more anxious someone is, the more likely they are to fear the stigma of counseling. I loathe that. People have the right to pursue happiness and that starts with being able to handle the stress of life. Go get a counselor now, if your anxieties rule you!

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Copyright: 2009-12-02 17:22:08